Pop Culture Dropouts

Jesus was radically different than anyone who came before him. The things he taught and the way he lived were revolutionary. His understanding of God's Word was shocking. He called us to be in this world but not of it. He didn’t fit in, and he didn’t care. He knew what his purpose was and he knew God had a plan for him. After his death, the early Christians were on the fringe of society. They met secretly. They were no longer conforming to the pattern of this world. (Romans 12:2) They didn’t fit in, and they didn’t care. But over the next several hundred years, Christianity spread throughout the world. Instead of being on the fringe of society, they became the majority. Pop culture and Christian culture became intertwined. If you wanted to fit in, becoming a Christian could help you do that.

The Bible used to be the most read book. But most people I meet today have not read it, do not quote from it, do not know many stories from it, and do not use it at all in their daily life. And for many years I wasn’t using it in my daily life either. I’m a Xennial, and my generation, along with Generation X and Millenials, cannot list the Bible as part of our pop culture. For our generations, pop culture is sex, drugs, and rock and roll. The world dictates our life path. We look around to see what others are doing and we try to do the same thing, or better. We do whatever we can to fit in and be successful.

I grew up with the idea that “fitting in” was the key to happiness. The Bible didn’t teach me this, but the world did. We went to church every Sunday, but what I learned at school was often different from what I learned at church, and I had a hard time reconciling the two. From historical timelines to movies to dating, there seemed to be two different realities – one at church, and one in the world. I couldn’t understand how to make these two worlds coexist, because they are contradictory. We, as Christians, must stop pretending that we are a part of mainstream society. As followers of Jesus, we are called to be radically different, just as he was. We are called to be on the fringe of society, just like the early Christians.

God calls us to be pop culture dropouts. We are called to be transformed by the renewing of our minds. (Romans 12:2) We are called to cling to the truth in a world full of lies. We are called to speak the truth with love. We are called to be discerning, to recognize the false teachers and liars. We are called to put God first and seek Him above all else. How does the American dream fit into God’s plans for us? Pop culture tells us the American dream is acquiring more money and more stuff; finding happiness, however we choose; finding a cause to support and finding our identity in a group of like-minded people. But God has a purpose and a plan for each of us. We are here to serve Him, not to serve ourselves. We are here to share His love with others, not to achieve our version of success. We are here to grow closer to Him, not to rack up debt and accomplishments. We are here to further His kingdom on earth, not to build our kingdoms.

So, my fellow Gen X/Xennial/Millenials - let’s start a new revolution. Let’s be ok with not fitting in. Let’s find the truth in God’s Word, and not in what celebrities say. Let’s look to God for truth and not just seek out people who agree with us. Let’s search for the real truth instead of “our truth.” Let’s seek to rejoice in the truth and not delight in evil. (1 Corinthians 13:6) Let’s show up with grace and truth when God’s Word is misconstrued. Let’s trust God with our lives and our futures and fulfill His purpose for us. Let’s point EVERYTHING back to God. Let’s talk about God and His commandments when we sit at home and when we walk along the road, when we lie down and when we get up. Let’s tie them as symbols on our hands and foreheads; write them on the doorframes of our houses and gates. (Deuteronomy 6:6-9) Let’s be pop culture dropouts and watch what God will do with the next generation.

The Sloth and The Butterfly

Sometimes I really don’t like being a human. It’s a lot of trouble. I don’t like change, and that just keeps happening, like, ALL THE TIME. Like for my WHOLE life. It’s ridiculous, really. And then I have to change to keep up with the changes. And I really like to just do whatever I want whenever I want to do it, and for those things that NEED to get done, well, I like to do those on autopilot. Change requires me to think. Change requires a lot of work. Change requires a lot of uncomfortableness. I’d prefer to be a sloth – take lots of naps, wake up for snacks, and poop once a week…perfect!

But I have to keep in mind that OTHER thing about being human: how I feel after I’ve changed. How I feel when I’m not uncomfortable anymore and I know more than I did before. I’m better at being a human than I was before. I’m able to look back at where I was and see how far I’ve come. I’m able to share with other humans what I’ve learned. I’m able to comfort other humans who are drudging through the same uncomfortable changes. So my humanity desires the life of a sloth, but God wants me to be more like a butterfly. He wants me to embrace change and go through it with Him. He wants me to crawl with Him, as a caterpillar. He wants me to grow with Him, as a chrysalis. He wants me to soar with Him, as a butterfly.

Some changes are small, and not really that important in the grand scheme of life. Like when I was 7 and the post office changed all the addresses for our route, so I had to memorize a new one. Or when I was 8 and my parents got a new refrigerator. Both of these things caused me great mental anguish at the time. But they didn’t have a huge effect on anything else (except as being evidence of how much I hated change and that I was terrible at dealing with it).

Some changes are big, and require a lot of work to accept. For me, these changes usually end up with me hitting a bottom and having to crawl my way back to the surface and my new reality. The first bottom I hit was a spiritual one. After many years of searching for God, I finally found Him. But not at all where I expected. After years of smiling on the outside and crying on the inside, of trying to control everything else so that I wouldn’t lose control, I finally gave up and asked for help. And God brought me into a personal relationship with Him. As a caterpillar, I longed for a personal experience with God, and I envied those who talked about their experiences with Him as if He was alive and right there with them. I wanted to believe He was real, but I wasn’t sure because I had never seen Him myself. When I finally cried out for help, He answered. He brought me to a safe place where I could get to know Him, and get to know myself. Reading, praying, sharing with others, seeing His work and feeling His presence. I’m still learning to fly spiritually, but I know God is real, that He is with me, and that He loves me.

The second bottom I hit was an emotional one. It came about seven years later. Even though I had been walking with God, I was still not so great at dealing with myself or with other humans. I was a doormat, a martyr, a control freak, and a complete emotional wreck. I cried out for help again, and God answered me. He brought me to a safe place where I could learn healthier ways of communicating, of living, of being in relationships with others. I learned I had choices. I learned I would be ok no matter what. I learned to set boundaries. I learned how to care for myself. I learned how to say no.

The most recent bottom I hit was physical. I never got back to my healthy weight after having my second child, and I continued to gain slowly over the last six years. I tried to exercise, but that always made me think I had a license to eat anything. Then I started feeling really weak and tired and found out I had low iron, so I cut back on exercising but still kept my terrible eating habits. Instead of making sure I took my iron supplements every day, I’d eat more when I felt weak and tired (even though it didn’t help). I hoped that once we moved to Japan and there weren’t fast food restaurants on every corner, I would drop the weight easily. That didn’t happen, so I signed up for Noom. I have loved the program because it focuses on the mental and emotional aspects that affect our eating habits and choices. I’ve definitely always been an emotional eater, but in the last few years, food had become an idol. It was my go-to for celebration and for sorrow, and every emotion in between. But God brought me to another bottom when none of my clothes fit anymore. My doctor had been telling me for three years that I needed to lose weight, but I disagreed. Once I finally accepted it and was ready to make a change, it didn’t seem so scary or impossible. And God has been with me every step of the way.

As a human, I hate hitting bottom. It’s painful. It’s difficult. It’s uncomfortable. It’s FULL of changes. I wish that life were easy! I wish that there was no drama, no struggles, no changes. But as a butterfly, hitting bottom is the thing that brings me life! How can I hate the things that taught me to fly?

Bible verses to consider:

Genesis 28:15: I am with you and will watch over you wherever you go, and I will bring you back to this land. I will not leave you until I have done what I have promised you.

Jeremiah 33:3: Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.

Isaiah 43:19: See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.

2 Corinthians 5:17: Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old is gone; a new life has begun!

Ephesians 4:22: You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.

Ephesians 4:1: As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received.

Ephesians 4:14-16: Then we will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by the waves, and blown here and there by every wind of teaching and by the cunning and craftiness of people in their deceitful scheming. Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ. From him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work.

Exodus 20:2-3: I am the Lord your God, who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery. You shall have no other gods before me.

10 Years of Parenthood

So my son, my first born, my baby boy, just turned 10. And I am an emotional wreck! I really just can’t believe that he is halfway to adulthood, or that we have kept a human being alive for this long. I can’t understand how the human race has survived this long. Because raising kids is HARD. Harder than I ever could have imagined and harder than can be accurately described. It’s questioning every decision I’ve ever made on a daily basis, and trying to figure out how to be better at life, so that these new humans we made can somehow have a better life…but not TOO much better, because if they have no struggles they won’t be able to grow and learn how to cope with life. So with all my flaws and hangups and baggage, I try to parent them well enough that they won’t have so many flaws and hangups and baggage…but that leads to me focusing way too much on the wrong things, which causes both of us more flaws, hangups, and baggage. It’s a vicious cycle. (This is why we all need Jesus!)

And that thing everyone says, “The days are long but the years are short,” definitely holds true for me. I quit my job with a 120-mile-round-trip commute shortly after I found out I was pregnant, so I’ve been staying at home for almost 11 years now. After being a school-and-work-aholic since I was 5, staying at home has been a HUGE transition! Maybe someday I’ll get used to it. Probably about the time my kids are ready to move out. I like routines, and kids like routines, but sometimes people get addicted to routines, and then they can’t function when the slightest thing is different…not healthy. I like spontaneity, and kids like spontaneity, but sometimes people get addicted to spontaneity and can’t function without constant fun and action…not healthy. So I guess with parenting, just like everything else, the goal is balance. Many days the monotony is enough to drive me insane. But then those little moments where you just want to stop time because of the joy you feel happen and you are reminded what a gift you have been given.

In thinking about the past 10 years (which sometimes feel like one year and sometimes feel like 25 years), it’s easy to see how my son has changed, but most of the changes in me have been internal. I have heard motherhood described as “the highest calling” many times, and living it has been an amazing roller coaster ride. While I was nursing, changing diapers, cooking meals, cleaning up messes, reading books, singing songs, and agonizing over decisions, God was working on my heart. He gave us the family unit to be a model of his love for us and the world, and I have learned so much about Him from this adventure. So here are some of the major lessons I have learned over the past decade. Some I had heard before, but didn’t understand fully until I walked through it. Some were not even on my radar, but God made them clear to me.

1) God has a plan – trust Him…you are not in control. This lesson started with my labor and delivery, and is the gift that just keeps on giving. I’m pretty stubborn by nature, and I was determined to NOT have a C-section (mostly because I’m a hypochondriac and knew how worried I’d be about my guts falling out) and preferably a natural water birth at a midwifery center. So when my baby was overdue and we went in for an ultrasound, only to be told that the baby’s estimated weight was 10 lbs., 4 oz. and they said I could go ahead and opt for a C-section or wait to see how it played out…I waited to see how it played out. Because I wanted MY way. And I ended up with 5 days of contractions that were every 5-20 minutes, therapeutic rest with morphine and Benadryl, the nurse breaking my water, Pitocin, an epidural, 4 hours of pushing, and…a C-section!

2) Whatever you’re going through, it won’t last forever. So if it’s rough, don’t give up, and if it’s good, enjoy it! Babies change so quickly! And so do toddlers, kids, teens, and humans in general. One day they eat, sleep, and poop, and the next they’re getting married. But please don’t let this “they grow up so fast” mentality make you feel guilty about setting boundaries with your kids or taking time for yourself…just try to be present in the moment.

3) God picked YOU to be your kid’s parent, not because you’re perfect, but because you’re perfect for each other. So don’t doubt yourself or your capabilities. Of course I am constantly trying to train my kids in something, but my kids have taught me so much about myself and about life in general. We drive each other nuts, we make mistakes, and we apologize and keep going. You don’t have to be perfect, because you aren’t Jesus! Just be willing to learn and admit your mistakes.

4) You know your child best, so consider all the advice and information you can, but the final decision is yours. The first hurdle we encountered with our son was his speech delay. His doctors started telling us when he was 15 months old that they thought he was behind. Now 9 years and many speech therapists later, he’s speaking just fine. But there was a lot of time in there spent agonizing on the right course of action. Sometimes I listened to the doctors and ended up changing my mind. Eventually I started doing what I thought was right and things got a lot smoother.

5) There actually is an instruction book for parenting…it’s the Bible. That’s not really what most of us want to hear though! We want quick answers, guarantees, and step by step instructions. But our God is a God of mystery, epic stories, deep thoughts, and mind-blowing lessons. He is a great author who can connect the dots in our stories like no other! So dig deep, read the Bible every day, read the Bible with your kids every day, and wait for miracles.

6) Don’t feel guilty about setting boundaries and taking care of yourself. I know I already said this in #2, but it needs to be repeated! This is always a big struggle for me, but if you want to learn how to love your neighbor, you have to learn how to love yourself. Kids need to learn how to handle a “no,” how to enjoy their own company, and how to motivate themselves when they are bored.

7) “My purpose is that they may be encouraged in heart and united in love, so that they may have the full riches of complete understanding, in order that they may know the mystery of God, namely, Christ, in whom are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge.” -Colossians 2:2-3 This is our purpose as parents. To teach our kids about God and His plan for the world. Everything else will follow. The world will tell you a million other things are more important. But how do you unlock the secrets of the universe? By getting to know the One who created the universe. Us humans really like to complicate things!