Rainbows

Dear Christian brothers and sisters,

I think we all know, June is Pride Month. I’ve watched an intense social media battle go down about who owns the rainbow. As a Christian, the rainbow is a sign to me of God’s promise. But not everyone is a Christian, so not everyone sees the rainbow like me. And as I watch both sides decimate each other as keyboard warriors, I’m sad. It saddens me that our country is in a place of such division and hatred. It saddens me that followers of Jesus are seen as the most hateful.

Today, as I read my devotional and Bible, I was reminded to keep my focus on God, and not man. I was reminded to not worry about what’s going on in this world, because God is in control of it. I was reminded that my spiritual battles are fought through trusting God, praying, and being patient, and not in yelling, fighting, and forcing my way. I was reminded that this world is not perfect, but God’s timing is perfect. I was reminded that I need God to defend me, but He doesn’t need me to defend Him.

His truth is still THE truth, no matter what. It’s my job to share His love with others who wish to follow Him, not to preach rules to those who don’t follow Him. If we want to be like Jesus, we have to learn from Him. We have to show up with not only truth, not only love, but both. We have to remember that we are a minority in this world, and we can’t force others to agree with us, or to want to follow Him. We have to remember that ALL have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and that God sees all sin as equal.

We don’t have to “take back” the rainbow, because it was never taken away. We don’t have to be surprised that people believe differently than us, because wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction. We have been called to enter through the narrow gate, to be humble, to not worry about tomorrow, and to keep our eyes fixed on Jesus. What good is it to win an argument about sin, if you’ve sinned in the process?

The question I must ask myself is, “Am I doing everything I can to walk with God?” Not, “Are other people doing everything they can to walk with God?” We are not called to be like the Pharisees, constantly pointing out the flaws of others but failing to see their own shortcomings. We are called to be like Jesus. We know that in this world we will have trouble, but we take heart, because He has overcome the world! We don’t have to fear change, because we already know the end of the story. We have this hope as an anchor for our souls, firm and secure. 

Moving From Self-Focus to God-Focus

What does it mean to be self-centered? Selfish? Self-absorbed? As Christians, we recoil at these labels. We’ve been taught that we should live by JOY: Jesus, Others, Self. Put Jesus first, others second, and yourself last. If you put your own needs ahead of the needs of others, you are being selfish, self-centered, and self-absorbed. Right? We want to take time to take care of ourselves, but we feel guilty. We want to say no when we don’t feel called to serve in something, but we feel guilty. We think that being kind to ourselves is selfish. We think that being discerning with our time and energy is selfish.

We get a different message from the world. The world says to put yourself first. You have to look out for yourself because nobody else will. Right? I should do the thing I want to do, or buy the thing I want to buy, or be who I want to be, because I deserve it, and I’m worth it.

There is some truth in both of them, but we have to read between the lines to squeeze it out. Some of us are being selfish and we need to hear that, so we can realign our priorities. Some of us are not taking care of ourselves and we need to hear that, so we can realign our priorities. But I think most of us are somewhere in the middle, desperately wanting to do the “right” thing, to serve God and others well while being kind and considerate to ourselves, but we are unsure of how to do that.

Lately God has been blaring a new lesson at me: QUIT THINKING ABOUT YOURSELF AND THINK ABOUT ME. Because when we are desperately trying to figure out what the “right” thing to do is, we need to be turning to Him. We need to realize that God has a specific plan for us, and what’s right for someone else may not be right for us. We need to stay close to Him so that we learn to recognize His voice and do what He says as quickly as possible. Because even if we are trying to do the “right” thing, we are still focusing on OURSELVES and not GOD. We are striving and thinking about the expectations of others and ourselves and the world, and not resting in God’s peace.

Stop and listen to your thoughts: when a problem arises or life doesn’t go as planned, what goes on in your mind? I struggle with anxiety, control, and low self-esteem. When I encounter a problem, my brain automatically says, “You could have prevented this. You can fix this. You can avoid this in the future by doing XYZ. Why didn’t you do this? Why didn’t you think of this? What is wrong with you?” I’m not being selfish, but I am being self-focused. I forget that God is in control and not me. I forget that He is working all things for my good. I forget that it’s ok for me to make mistakes. I put myself in His place and give myself His qualities.

But recently I encountered an unforeseen circumstance, and, because I’ve been exercising my trust muscles, my brain said, “I can’t wait to see what God does with this!” Suddenly there were fireworks, bells, and whistles! DID MY THOUGHT PATTERN JUST CHANGE?! It did! And because I was focused on God, my mind was filled with joy, gratitude, and peace. I didn’t stress. In fact, I think I rolled over and went back to sleep!

This is God-focus: resting in His sovereignty and goodness, not ours. Living in His power and energy, not ours. Asking Him when to say no and when to say yes, not anyone else. Letting hope guide our thoughts instead of despair. Finding my worth in Him, not any outward appearances. So whatever fine line you are walking today, keep your eyes on Him and not your feet; that’s where you find balance.

Sometimes I Freak Out

Sometimes I freak out.

It's about different things, but it always boils down to the same things. Things are changing and I don't want them to, or things are staying the same and I want them to change.

In both scenarios, I'm putting myself in God's place. I'm trying to be in control. I'm thinking I know what's best. I'm thinking I can do something I can't, or that I can't do something I can. I forget about God. I take my eyes off of Him. I obsess over how I'm feeling, overanalyze everything, bring up past hurts, worry about the future.

I forget that all I have is today. I forget to focus on the good. I forget to find joy in the little things. I forget to notice all the ways God is taking care of me right now.

This morning the verses for my devotional were Isaiah 44:2, Psalm 46:1, and Psalm 23:6. When I combine those together, I get this: "Do not be afraid, I am your refuge and strength, My goodness and love will follow you all your life." God knows I am letting fear control me.

Then this verse came up twice on my Facebook feed today: "See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland." (Isaiah 43:19) God knows I have given up on some of my unanswered prayers.

And this beautiful little rose bush that I planted last spring seemed to be screaming God's truth to me as well. I bought this rose bush on clearance at the base gas station last year. It was near death but cost less than a dollar. It perked up quickly and produced a few blooms now and then, but it didn't get much bigger. In the past couple months, though, it has tripled in size! And the buds on it now are numerous! This is not my doing. I'm much more of a black thumb than a green thumb. I don't feed it special supplements. I don't trim it. I don't water it. All I did was plant it in good soil. This was God's care, God's work, God's plan, God's strength, God's provision, God's timing. God knows I obsess over not being enough, not doing enough, not doing my part, and thereby screwing up everything.

"But the one who received the seed that fell on good soil is the man who hears the word and understands it. He produces a crop, yielding a hundred, sixty or thirty times what was sown." -Matthew 13:23

I can't create the perfect conditions for growing a rose bush, but I can make sure I plant it in good soil. I can't control most of what happens in my life. I can only control myself. I can't manipulate things to make them go exactly how I want them to go. I can only do my best to stay focused on the God who is in control, whose plans are perfect, whose timing is perfect, whose love is perfect. I won't always get what I want, but I can be thankful that God cares for me and gives me everything I need. Sometimes I freak out, but God is ALWAYS there to reel me back in.

Choices

Friends, my phone fell in the toilet for the second time in less than a year this past week. I feel like this is a metaphor for my life on so many levels. I waited a few days for it to dry out, took it to the phone repair desk here, and it is officially dead. I spent three hours on the phone ordering a new one. I have hijacked my husband’s phone until it comes in, which could be weeks since we are in Japan. He is graciously letting me keep it while he goes to work. I don’t want to be one of those people who is lost without their phone. I want to be a person who enjoys not having it. But honestly, I’m just not. I take care of so many things on my to-do list using my phone. I run my business from my phone. I take pictures with my phone. I navigate through a foreign country with my phone. I keep myself from total isolation during this pandemic with my phone. I use timers and alarm clocks and calendars on my phone. So, this is a frustrating situation. As always, I have choices. I can choose to walk in the dark or the light. I can choose to focus on the negative or the positive. I can choose to complain or be grateful.

I could get angry with myself. I tend to criticize and blame myself for any little thing that doesn’t go the way I want it to in life. Even if it’s something completely out of my control, I can find a way to believe it was my fault. But knowing that, I can listen for those thoughts and stop them when they come. Then I can say, it was a simple mistake. I forgot it was in my back pocket. The laws of gravity are definitely NOT within my control. I can respect God’s laws of nature and accept that I am a human.

I can choose to be angry that it took so long to order the new one, that they had no budget phones in stock so I’m paying twice what I would normally pay, or that it will take so long to arrive. Or I can choose to be thankful that a new phone is on its way, that it will probably be the highest quality phone I’ve ever had, and that my husband is here and sharing his phone with me in the meantime.

I can choose to criticize myself for feeling lost without my phone, or I can accept the fact that it’s 2021 and be thankful for this tool that simplifies my life in so many ways.

So, if you are facing a frustrating situation today, remember you have choices. Choose light, choose gratitude, choose faith, choose hope. Even if your whole life seems to be going down the toilet, you can be thankful for the opportunity to flush the crap and start fresh.