What does it mean to be self-centered? Selfish? Self-absorbed? As Christians, we recoil at these labels. We’ve been taught that we should live by JOY: Jesus, Others, Self. Put Jesus first, others second, and yourself last. If you put your own needs ahead of the needs of others, you are being selfish, self-centered, and self-absorbed. Right? We want to take time to take care of ourselves, but we feel guilty. We want to say no when we don’t feel called to serve in something, but we feel guilty. We think that being kind to ourselves is selfish. We think that being discerning with our time and energy is selfish.
We get a different message from the world. The world says to put yourself first. You have to look out for yourself because nobody else will. Right? I should do the thing I want to do, or buy the thing I want to buy, or be who I want to be, because I deserve it, and I’m worth it.
There is some truth in both of them, but we have to read between the lines to squeeze it out. Some of us are being selfish and we need to hear that, so we can realign our priorities. Some of us are not taking care of ourselves and we need to hear that, so we can realign our priorities. But I think most of us are somewhere in the middle, desperately wanting to do the “right” thing, to serve God and others well while being kind and considerate to ourselves, but we are unsure of how to do that.
Lately God has been blaring a new lesson at me: QUIT THINKING ABOUT YOURSELF AND THINK ABOUT ME. Because when we are desperately trying to figure out what the “right” thing to do is, we need to be turning to Him. We need to realize that God has a specific plan for us, and what’s right for someone else may not be right for us. We need to stay close to Him so that we learn to recognize His voice and do what He says as quickly as possible. Because even if we are trying to do the “right” thing, we are still focusing on OURSELVES and not GOD. We are striving and thinking about the expectations of others and ourselves and the world, and not resting in God’s peace.
Stop and listen to your thoughts: when a problem arises or life doesn’t go as planned, what goes on in your mind? I struggle with anxiety, control, and low self-esteem. When I encounter a problem, my brain automatically says, “You could have prevented this. You can fix this. You can avoid this in the future by doing XYZ. Why didn’t you do this? Why didn’t you think of this? What is wrong with you?” I’m not being selfish, but I am being self-focused. I forget that God is in control and not me. I forget that He is working all things for my good. I forget that it’s ok for me to make mistakes. I put myself in His place and give myself His qualities.
But recently I encountered an unforeseen circumstance, and, because I’ve been exercising my trust muscles, my brain said, “I can’t wait to see what God does with this!” Suddenly there were fireworks, bells, and whistles! DID MY THOUGHT PATTERN JUST CHANGE?! It did! And because I was focused on God, my mind was filled with joy, gratitude, and peace. I didn’t stress. In fact, I think I rolled over and went back to sleep!
This is God-focus: resting in His sovereignty and goodness, not ours. Living in His power and energy, not ours. Asking Him when to say no and when to say yes, not anyone else. Letting hope guide our thoughts instead of despair. Finding my worth in Him, not any outward appearances. So whatever fine line you are walking today, keep your eyes on Him and not your feet; that’s where you find balance.