Sometimes I freak out.
It's about different things, but it always boils down to the same things. Things are changing and I don't want them to, or things are staying the same and I want them to change.
In both scenarios, I'm putting myself in God's place. I'm trying to be in control. I'm thinking I know what's best. I'm thinking I can do something I can't, or that I can't do something I can. I forget about God. I take my eyes off of Him. I obsess over how I'm feeling, overanalyze everything, bring up past hurts, worry about the future.
I forget that all I have is today. I forget to focus on the good. I forget to find joy in the little things. I forget to notice all the ways God is taking care of me right now.
This morning the verses for my devotional were Isaiah 44:2, Psalm 46:1, and Psalm 23:6. When I combine those together, I get this: "Do not be afraid, I am your refuge and strength, My goodness and love will follow you all your life." God knows I am letting fear control me.
Then this verse came up twice on my Facebook feed today: "See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland." (Isaiah 43:19) God knows I have given up on some of my unanswered prayers.
And this beautiful little rose bush that I planted last spring seemed to be screaming God's truth to me as well. I bought this rose bush on clearance at the base gas station last year. It was near death but cost less than a dollar. It perked up quickly and produced a few blooms now and then, but it didn't get much bigger. In the past couple months, though, it has tripled in size! And the buds on it now are numerous! This is not my doing. I'm much more of a black thumb than a green thumb. I don't feed it special supplements. I don't trim it. I don't water it. All I did was plant it in good soil. This was God's care, God's work, God's plan, God's strength, God's provision, God's timing. God knows I obsess over not being enough, not doing enough, not doing my part, and thereby screwing up everything.
"But the one who received the seed that fell on good soil is the man who hears the word and understands it. He produces a crop, yielding a hundred, sixty or thirty times what was sown." -Matthew 13:23
I can't create the perfect conditions for growing a rose bush, but I can make sure I plant it in good soil. I can't control most of what happens in my life. I can only control myself. I can't manipulate things to make them go exactly how I want them to go. I can only do my best to stay focused on the God who is in control, whose plans are perfect, whose timing is perfect, whose love is perfect. I won't always get what I want, but I can be thankful that God cares for me and gives me everything I need. Sometimes I freak out, but God is ALWAYS there to reel me back in.
