The Mug

One day as I walked along the beach with my daughter, we saw a white mug sitting on the crest of the sand, overlooking the waves as if it was contemplating life in deep thought. I looked around for signs that someone had been sitting there or had recently left, but there were none. I began to get excited – the kid in me thought maybe I had found some treasure from a pirate ship! I walked over to get a closer look. The mug was completely intact, no chips, no cracks, even the handle was still perfect. I picked it up and looked at the bottom: “CORNINGWARE, MADE IN CHINA.” So much for pirate treasure.

But as I inspected the mug, I felt sand that was stuck to the side permanently; I saw barnacles and shells growing on the outside and inside. I thought about this little white mug bouncing and bobbing through the ocean waves and wondered where it had come from, how far it had traveled, and how it ended up in this exact spot.

I don’t remember exactly what I was going through in my life at that time (it seems I’m always going through something), but I do remember feeling that me and the mug had a lot in common. It was one of those times when I knew God was giving me one of His big life metaphors. Like the mug, we have pasts that are sometimes mysterious, confusing, misunderstood. We have been tossed around on the waves of life, not always knowing what to do or how things will turn out. Our appearance has changed through our struggles; we’ve probably grown some barnacles here and there. But God was with us through it all, guiding us and protecting us. We are still breathing, we still have a purpose. Even though we may still be reeling from the storm that just passed, or unsure of what to do next. He gives us another chance, by bringing us out of the mud and mire, and setting us up for the next step, perching us at just the right place and time.

Like the mug, we are jars of clay made to be filled with His glory. The next step for the mug was to become a household pencil holder. Maybe not so glamorous, but quite important. I didn’t want to alter its beauty, but I also didn’t want to hide it away and forget about its message to me. So now it sits on our dining room table, where we use it every day, and see its beauty every day.

Maybe you are feeling like an old salty mug today. No matter what stage you’re in, you can be sure that God is with you and has a plan for you; that He sees your beauty and wants you to share it with the world. That He has you right where you are supposed to be in this exact moment. That He can use everything for your good and for His glory.

Our Daughter's Health Journey to Celiac Disease

Just under a year ago, in November 2019, we got up early and headed to the hospital for our 6-year-old daughter’s endoscopy. This was the culmination of over two years of trying to figure out what exactly was going on with her. Only a couple months before, when we first saw the pediatric gastroenterologist, we heard Celiac disease mentioned as a possibility. And we were 95% sure that would NOT be the diagnosis. We just figured this endoscopy was a formality to rule it out and then we could move on to other possibilities. But we were 95% wrong. When the results came back, she was positive for Celiac Disease.

The first sign of a problem came at the end of July 2017. We had moved to Florida a few months before and were trying to get settled into our new home. This particular week was a busy one – swim lessons every day at 8 am and Vacation Bible School every evening until 8 pm. She was three years old, and had been dry at night for over a year. But during this busy week, she had a couple of nighttime accidents. I just figured she was extra tired and things would return to normal in a few days. She continued to have nighttime accidents for three years.

The second sign of a problem was in November 2017. She had a fever for a few days that wasn’t going away and was complaining about her belly hurting. I thought she might have appendicitis. But it was the first of many urinary tract infections. Sometimes they would be close together; maybe three in three months. Sometimes she could go for several months without one. There didn’t seem to be any rhyme or reason to it. Her doctor suggested she get an ultrasound and a VCGU to check the functions of her bladder and kidneys. Both of those results came back normal.

She continued to have these same issues of bedwetting and frequent UTIs. She also began to have frequent accidents during the day. Her behavior and attitude were becoming more difficult to manage. Her doctors didn’t give us much guidance. They chalked the bedwetting up to genes, and blamed the UTIs on taking baths and poor wiping habits. So at four years old, after already being potty trained for quite some time, we began wiping for her again, wearing pullups every night, and constantly reminding her to “go potty.” We didn’t know what to do, but we didn’t like the way things were going. We were taking away her responsibility and dignity. We didn’t like having to give her antibiotics each time she had a UTI. We never knew if she was holding it in, or if she didn’t feel the urge to go until it was too late.

I felt strongly that the bedwetting and UTIs were connected, but was terrified of going down any rabbit trails online. My sister found an article that talked about the connection between the two relating to constipation. So we brought that up to her doctor. She didn’t seem convinced but gave us the usual spiel about drinking plenty of water, eating lots of fiber, and supplementing with Miralax if needed. She ended up being on Miralax for over a year, without ever finding the correct dosage. It was always either too much or too little. And she would always end up getting a UTI eventually no matter what we did.

Finally in August of 2019, we saw the pediatric GI. They mentioned diet, they mentioned laxatives and stool softeners, and they also mentioned Celiac disease. We were so confused. Why had no one brought this up before? Why hadn’t we been directed to do this until now? Didn’t people with Celiac disease usually have diarrhea and not constipation? We were in total shock. Once we got her official diagnosis, we learned that Celiac disease affects every person differently, and that when it causes constipation, it leads to the other symptoms she was having: bedwetting, UTIs, and frequent accidents.

We did not find any sources for this information during our search for answers. If your child is dealing with these issues, talk to a pediatric GI and see if this could be the cause of their problems. I hope that our daughter's story can help your child find health, and give you some hope and peace.

For more information about Celiac disease, you can visit the Celiac Disease Foundation website at celiac.org.

9 Ways to Love a Military Family

We’ve been at this Navy life for 17 years now, and we finally see the light at the end of the tunnel! We have been through a lot during those years, and we’ve met hundreds of other military families who have too. We’ve made some great friends, lost some great friends, and spent our vacations visiting family members. We have struggled, and we have overcome. We have won some and lost some. We’ve felt loved and included, and we’ve felt lost and alone. We have moved – away from home, away from family, away from friends, away from the lives we build in each new place. This is not an easy life, but it can be a rewarding one. People join for many different reasons, but we all endure many of the same hardships throughout our journeys. If you have a military family in your life or your community, here are nine ways to show them some love!

1. Treat them like part of your extended family. Invite us over for dinner and for holidays, offer to help out, and let us help you out, too. We need surrogate family members! Even though we make lots of military friends everywhere we go, they usually move before we do. It’s hard to keep making new connections, especially when your own family is thousands of miles away.

2. Don’t ask them for details about their service member’s mission. We probably don’t know them, and if we do, we probably can’t tell anyone. Where they are going, when they will be back, and what they are doing, are things we will share on our own if we can.

3. Remember every branch of the military does things differently. So just because your sister’s best friend’s cousin whose husband was in the army got to come home when his wife had a baby, doesn’t mean your Navy wife co-worker’s husband will. And just about every other aspect of how they run things is different, too. Sometimes different rates (jobs) within one branch handle things differently. Most of the time, things are handled on a case by case basis.

4. Don’t say “You signed up for this,” when things get tough. No one understands what they are signing up for. We learn over the years what to expect, but the challenges and disappointments are NOT what we signed up for. They come with the job, but they are not WHAT we signed up for.

5. Make friends with them, even though they’re going to move away. Military families come from all over the world and they’ve been all over the world. We have survived some extreme ups and downs on the roller coaster of life. We have wisdom to share and love to give. We want to make connections and be a part of our new community as soon as possible, so we can make the most of our time in that spot. We may not always be there physically, but we will always remember you!

6. Don’t try to equate your spouse’s business trip or solo weekend away with a deployment. They’re not even close to being the same. But don’t assume that your military spouse friend won’t have any empathy for you when you are struggling with life, we understand that well!

7. Send care packages to the service member and the family members during deployments, or anytime! Deployments can be difficult but knowing people are thinking of you is comforting. It doesn’t have to be elaborate, it’s the thought that counts!

8. Accept that they don’t know what’s going on 90% of the time. We live in a state of confusion. We usually have to make a whole alphabet of plans because those plans get changed ALL THE TIME. We are just as frustrated as you are that we don’t know if we can make it home for Christmas. Half the time we don’t even know where we will be living in 6 months.

9. Keep in touch, even after they’ve moved! I’ll say it again, YOU become our extended family when you become our friend. And we do not forget that connection just because we move! Social media has made it easier than ever to stay in touch, but snail mail is great too! We love having people to love all over the world, it makes it seem a lot cozier.

Dear Mothers Whose Children Are Grown

Dear Mothers Whose Children Are Grown,

What do you mean when you say, “They grow up so fast! Enjoy it while you can!” as I am struggling with my screaming children in public? What do you mean when you share a post on social media that tells me to “Read as many books as they want, let them sleep with you when they want, because soon they will be grown!” Do you mean to say that we should indulge our children’s every wish because one day we will be old and lonely and wish for these days to return? Do you mean to say that we should have no boundaries or rules? Or that if we do, we should not enforce them? Do you mean to say that during long days and long nights, we should never think of how we need to take care of ourselves? Or do you maybe mean that you hope we can let the trivial things of life go and just be grateful for the life we have been given? Do you maybe mean that you hope we can live in the moment, and not worry so much about the future, or what’s for dinner, or what our house looks like?

Dear Mothers Whose Children Are Grown, I don’t want to be overly sensitive, but when I hear and read those words, they sting. And I say to myself, maybe I have been too strict. Maybe I have been too hard on them, maybe I have not given them enough love. How dare I say no to those sweet faces? How can I say no to one more book? How can I say no to crawling into bed with me? What kind of cruel person am I? The Mothers Whose Children Are Grown must be right. You have more experience than me. You must know what you’re talking about. So what is wrong with me, that I don’t want to read one more book, or let them jump into my bed in the middle of the night? Maybe I am a horrible mother!

And then I cry. I cry because I know you are definitely right about them growing so fast. I know that it seems that I blinked and they are halfway through childhood, while at the same time feeling like they should be 25 by now. I know for sure that the days are long and the years are short. But I don’t know for sure how to find a balance between spoiling them with all the love I feel and training them well and taking care of myself and the house and being a wife and a friend and a functioning human being.

Then I look at my children. If they are being good and quiet, I think, yes, you are right! I have not been a good mother. I have not indulged these angels enough! But if they are being loud and obnoxious, I think, no, you are wrong! I have not been a good mother. I have indulged them too much! They are already spoiled. How can I ever be at peace?

So, Mothers Whose Children Are Grown, please remember us, we who are where you once were. Please give us your wisdom, without giving us more guilt. I hope that your fondness for being in the trenches of motherhood means that I will only remember the good things, and let go of the hard things. But I hope that I will look back and remember the hard things too, so that I will know how to give comfort to younger mothers who are struggling. I hope I will remember that the days are long and the years are short. So I will tell young mothers to take it one minute at a time. I will tell them to make time for themselves while they are taking care of everyone else. I will tell them to set boundaries and rules and require obedience. I will tell them to follow through with consequences. I will tell them to ask for help, and I will offer it. I will tell them to take lots of pictures and live in the moment. I will tell them to be grateful for the moments of beauty that pop up amidst the drudgery of life. I will tell them that everything is going to be ok. I will tell them that they are a good mom.