We’ve been at this Navy life for 17 years now, and we finally see the light at the end of the tunnel! We have been through a lot during those years, and we’ve met hundreds of other military families who have too. We’ve made some great friends, lost some great friends, and spent our vacations visiting family members. We have struggled, and we have overcome. We have won some and lost some. We’ve felt loved and included, and we’ve felt lost and alone. We have moved – away from home, away from family, away from friends, away from the lives we build in each new place. This is not an easy life, but it can be a rewarding one. People join for many different reasons, but we all endure many of the same hardships throughout our journeys. If you have a military family in your life or your community, here are nine ways to show them some love!
1. Treat them like part of your extended family. Invite us over for dinner and for holidays, offer to help out, and let us help you out, too. We need surrogate family members! Even though we make lots of military friends everywhere we go, they usually move before we do. It’s hard to keep making new connections, especially when your own family is thousands of miles away.
2. Don’t ask them for details about their service member’s mission. We probably don’t know them, and if we do, we probably can’t tell anyone. Where they are going, when they will be back, and what they are doing, are things we will share on our own if we can.
3. Remember every branch of the military does things differently. So just because your sister’s best friend’s cousin whose husband was in the army got to come home when his wife had a baby, doesn’t mean your Navy wife co-worker’s husband will. And just about every other aspect of how they run things is different, too. Sometimes different rates (jobs) within one branch handle things differently. Most of the time, things are handled on a case by case basis.
4. Don’t say “You signed up for this,” when things get tough. No one understands what they are signing up for. We learn over the years what to expect, but the challenges and disappointments are NOT what we signed up for. They come with the job, but they are not WHAT we signed up for.
5. Make friends with them, even though they’re going to move away. Military families come from all over the world and they’ve been all over the world. We have survived some extreme ups and downs on the roller coaster of life. We have wisdom to share and love to give. We want to make connections and be a part of our new community as soon as possible, so we can make the most of our time in that spot. We may not always be there physically, but we will always remember you!
6. Don’t try to equate your spouse’s business trip or solo weekend away with a deployment. They’re not even close to being the same. But don’t assume that your military spouse friend won’t have any empathy for you when you are struggling with life, we understand that well!
7. Send care packages to the service member and the family members during deployments, or anytime! Deployments can be difficult but knowing people are thinking of you is comforting. It doesn’t have to be elaborate, it’s the thought that counts!
8. Accept that they don’t know what’s going on 90% of the time. We live in a state of confusion. We usually have to make a whole alphabet of plans because those plans get changed ALL THE TIME. We are just as frustrated as you are that we don’t know if we can make it home for Christmas. Half the time we don’t even know where we will be living in 6 months.
9. Keep in touch, even after they’ve moved! I’ll say it again, YOU become our extended family when you become our friend. And we do not forget that connection just because we move! Social media has made it easier than ever to stay in touch, but snail mail is great too! We love having people to love all over the world, it makes it seem a lot cozier.